


Meet The Dursley's!

by Irelandlover21



Series: Female Marauder One-Shots! [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fem!Vernon Dursley, Gen, Jealous Petunia, Male!Lily Evans - Freeform, Male!Petunia Dursley, accidental magic, fem!James Potter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 10:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9814454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irelandlover21/pseuds/Irelandlover21
Summary: In which our favourite group of pranksters (minus Wormtail) are of the opposite gender. That's right! Female Marauders! Genderswap maraudersera. Canon couples. So that means JILY:The Potter's and the Dursley's have dinner. It doesn't go well....





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so last time I forgot the disclaimer! I do not in any way, shape or form own Harry Potter! Jk, I'm secretly Joanne Rowling......OR AM I?? DUN DUN DUN. Okay, so obviously I am not as there are obviously grammatical mistakes littered through this.....

'I don't know, Lyle. From what I've seen of your brother, he's a complete ponce.' She exclaimed fluffing her hair. It tumbled down her back in ridiculously messy waves, she didn't care if her unkempt appearance bothered Virgil and Veronica Dursley.

Honestly, she talked to Mr. Dursley (as he insisted she call him) over the phone, and the man had talked to her like a complete prat, Mrs Potter she scoffed internally. He talked to her like she couldn't understand English and when she asked if he wanted to talk to Lyle he couldn't hang up fast enough.

Sighing, Lyle levelled her with a glare "Jane, he called me." He emphasised. His brother had ignored him since their parents died, that was six months ago. He didn't even come to his wedding. His side of the church was filled with his friends from Hogwarts and his parents but Jane's was filled with family, friends, and well wishers. He wouldn't have felt so pathetic if his brother was at least there as well and now his brother was finally getting back in touch.

'I know you're excited hon, but I just don't want you to get your hopes up. Remember when we went to their engagement party? They told people we were living off the muggle unemployment benefit and made us sound like some drunks! You didn't say it but I know you were devastated. You might not say anything but if that Veronica woman starts bragging about her Drizzle selling job again, I'm gonna tell her about the summer home in Nice' Jane insisted. Honestly, she almost hated the women more then Snivellus.

'First off it's drill, and second, I'm not gonna let her talk down to you' Lyle exclaimed, already frustrated with his tie. Why did they have to wear their best for dinner at his brother's house, he'd understand wearing slacks and a dress shirt but a suit? He knew his brother liked the idea of a 50's lifestyle, but come on! Who were they? The Kennedy's?

Jane rolled her eyes and decided to put him out of his misery and help him with his tie.

'That's sweet, you think I'd let her talk down to me. I was talking about you Lyle, you're blinded by your past. He's not the same person you grew up with.' She frowned, fixing his tie into a Windsor knot and pulling his shirt collar over it.

'He's my brother, family'

'Your bother, who has treated you like crap since you were eleven, and sometimes the family we were born with don't treat us like we deserve. Look at Siri, her family were horrible to her, the only one's in that family who actually loved her like she deserved were her cousin Andromeda and her Uncle Alphard, both who were wiped off the Black family tree along with Siri. Now she's a Potter, not in name, but a Potter all the same. Now.' She smiled stepping away.

'You look very handsome.' He felt heat creep up his neck at her eyes traveling him up and down. They'd been married for a year and it still felt like they had just started dating.

'I don't get it' Jane said suddenly.

'You don't get what?' Pulling his blazer on and brushing off imaginary dust from his slacks.

'I don't get how someone who grew up alongside you, who shared everything with you until you were eleven could treat you so harshly because of you being a wizard. Not to mention how amazing you are. Sure you're hot headed, stubborn, rash...but you're loyal and funny, not to mention smart.'

'He just...when we were kids, we did everything together and then Severina came along and said I was a wizard, Virgil immediately hated her, because it was always just us, no one else, back then we were real brothers. When I got my letter I was ecstatic, the place I had heard and read about since I was nine was real! Virge, of course was upset about it and I found a letter from Dumbledore in his room telling him he was sorry but only people with magic could attend Hogwarts.' Jane gasped in shock, he treated his brother like this because he was jealous?

'I was upset when he said it was a freak school that would turn me into a freak, I just wanted to be brothers again. So first year I tried my hardest to hate it but...I just couldn't, it was...is extraordinary, so when I came home from first year raving about turning mice into teacups...God...he couldn't even look at me.' She thought at this point he would break down, but he continued.

'I was only home for two months and he avoided me like the plague all through my holidays. I tried to reach out, wrote letters when I got back to school, only to come home to see them stuffed in a box unopened behind the TV. I think that was when I finally got the message, we couldn't..no wouldn't go back to the way we were, but when he'd talk to me at dinner (for our parents benefit mind you) I could almost pretend like nothing had changed.' She could tell by the end he was very upset and cursed herself for opening such an emotional subject.

'Baby' she began 'We don't have to go, I could call-' she was cut off before she could say another syllable.

'No' He spoke firmly. 'I've tried to meet him halfway and maybe this is him reaching out and if not, I've got to let him go.' Saying the words seemed to physically pain him.

'Sometimes I wish you weren't so forgiving, but then again, you wouldn't be the man I loved if you weren't.' Her heart warmed at the sight of his lips turning into a small smile.

'We should go or we'll be late.' So the two Potters apparated into Mr and Mrs Dursley of No. 4 Privet Drive's back garden.

Virgil Dursley was putting the finishing touches on the cake for dinner with his freak of a brother and his abnormal wife. He'd invited them to share big news, something he'd finally beaten his brother in. Lyle may have gotten married first, but he would have this, something to brag about that he knew would get to his brother. He'd just put the dishes in the sink when he saw his freak brother appear at the end of his back garden. The freak couldn't use normal transportation could he? He pulled off the latex gloves and went to open the back door for the freaks.

'Did...did he get a perm?' Jane gasped as they made their way toward the skinny blonde.

'Please don't mention it...Hey Virgil!' He was about to go in for a hug when Virgil stuck out his hand instead. What were they, business partners?

He gave them a stiff greeting and led them into the dining room, where Veronica Dursley was admiring her teeth in the reflection of a spoon with a napkin tucked down the front of her blouse. She was a beefy woman with black, stringy hair cut into a bob that reached her cheeks. She wore a purple pant suit and white make-up with red lipstick like she was from the Victorian age. Her husband was tall and skinny as a pole with ridiculously curly hair. They were a strange pairing.

'Ah, so Lyle, I heard you took the Mrs' name, now do tell, why's that? Virgil of course took it because I work and I couldn't very well make a name for myself in the business world then change it.' Mrs. Dursley guffawed as if the idea was ridiculous.

'And we couldn't live together with different names, giving people the idea that we weren't married and were living together.' Spitting out the sentence as if it were blasphemy.

Lyle felt uncomfortable explaining the situation with his name. He couldn't tell Veronica or Jane (who thought he took her name out of the goodness of his heart) that the only reason he took the Potter name was to prove to Charlus Potter that he did love his daughter, enough to make her happy for the rest of her life. The man hated him, probably despised his very being and prayed everyday to God that he would die, but what did he expect? He rejected his daughter, sometimes brutally, for four years. If taking a name that had been around for centuries, that would've gone extinct with Jane being married, scored him points with the man, then so be it. He was broken out of his thoughts by Jane putting her hand on his thigh, almost silently telling him she'd take over.

'Well, my family's a very old one, we can trace our lineage back to the 14th century. I was my parents only child, and, well daughter's usually don't carry on the family line and when Lyle offered to take the family name, well we were all ecstatic.' She said it with such pride that it made a smile appear on Lyle's face.

Veronica suddenly broke into cruel snickers. 'I thought it would be a good reason. Feminism, bra burning, not...carrying on the family name.' She crowed.

Jane's nails sank into his leg, so he quickly grabbed it and linked their fingers.

'Yes.' The Marauder said slowly. 'But that was just an added benefit, our summer home's in Nice, The Hampton's and the countryside are all under the Potter name, so it would have been odd to be The Evans and be in charge of The Potter family fortune.' The hazel eyed woman bit.

The beefy woman simply scowled. 'Yes, but you're not working? I doubt living off the employment benefit will keep those homes in your name.'

The raven-haired woman was cut short of replying by Virgil bustling in with their starter, shrimp cocktails. He set them out and poured himself some water. The few minutes passed by with sounds of chewing, the silence was broken again by Veronica.

'I just bought the new Bentley, what car do you drive, do your lot even know about cars?' She said condescendingly.

Ignoring the "your lot" comment, Jane decided to steer the conversation in the direction she knew would most annoy the Dursley's. Magic.

'Oh! I just bought the new Nimbus line, 160MPH, sharp turning and the braking is phenomenal, not a finer broom out there at the moment.' Lyle pinched her side causing her to jump in her seat.

'So Virgil, this shrimp is delicious, did you devein them yourself? Where did you learn to cook like this?' Lyle tried to change the subject, but his attempts were in vain as it seemed Veronica refused to let go of the subject.

'Brooms? Your lot is more barmy then I thought! What's the matter with cars? Can you freaks not read street signs? Is that it? You freaks can't read?' She cackled. The vase beside them on the window sill shattered. Lyle's deep voice filled the room once again.

'Don't. Talk. To. My. Wife. That. Way.' His beautiful emerald eyes were practically daring her to say another condescending word toward her. The tension was cut by Virgil, who started to explain the process of buying, deveining and preparing the shrimp for the cocktails. He looked awfully proud of his wife's comments.

A while later, dinner was served and just when Lyle finally got a difficult clam open, Virgil started to tap his fork against his glass.

'Well I'm sure you're both wondering why we invited you tonight.' The blonde smiled, but it was tight at best, almost a grimace. 'But. Before we tell you I have to get the champagne.'

It was silent until the man returned with a bottle that Jane recognised. 'Orleo's finest right? It's my favourite. My parents bought us a whole case for our wedding present last year, practically already gone.' Reminiscing the toasts The Order made when they took down another Death Eater nest or even when they lost one of their own. Marlo McKinnon she reminisced.

'So you're a drunk then? It's always the parents fuelling the addictions! And look where that got you! Living off the backs of us hardworking tax payers!' She screeched in spite. That bottle of champagne cost her £700 minimum, it was their most recent bottle.

'Oh Veronica, I don't know how you're not a comedian, after all you're such a large joke!'

Jane knew it was a low blow but she was sick to death of this woman.

'And don't be ridiculous about that muggle unemployment benefit, right now we're fighting a war, we can't work because we are helping the cause. We wouldn't need to work anyway, in fact our kids and our grandkids could live comfortably and not have to lift a finger with the gold in our bank account, you shrew!' Jane just couldn't take the jabs anymore, she'd held her tongue long enough.

'Veronica's pregnant!' Virgil burst out. It could be his last chance in the evening to say it, he was satisfied by their shocked looks. Finally, something he did first!

'But...but she's been drinking wine all evening and had a cigarette in between the first and second course.' Lyle stuttered out.

'Oh you believe that Garbage about cigs affecting babies? That's an old wives tale, something crackpot doctors cooked up to ruin the economy.' The whale of a woman chuckled as if laughing at their naïveté.

'It's a proven fact that smoking and drinking can cause damage to the fetus, irreparable damage. Such as mental retardation or physical deformities, Virge please don't pour me a glass.' He was apparating them home after all. His brother scowled at the nickname, that was a nickname his actual brother gave him, before he died and was replaced with this imposter, this freak, who turned teacups into mice, and who was he to tell his wife what to do? Right then he swore to give his child anything they ever wanted, no matter what anyone said.

'Me neither.' She was not going to follow her example, Mother of the year she mocked in her head.

'What afraid you'll fall off the wagon in front of company?' The infuriating woman smirked. Jane only remembers sipping champagne at the woman's engagement party, what evidence or right did she have to make such claims! And Virgil seemed to find it hilarious!

'No! Because I'm pregnant you cow!' She shouted at Mrs. Stupid fucking Dursley.

She didn't mean to shout it out, hell she wasn't going to tell Lyle until after dinner, when they got home, so if it went bad she had something to cheer him up with. They weren't in an ideal situation to have a baby, they were at war for Merlin's sake, but when was anytime ideal to have a baby? She turned to look at Lyle, who had his mouth open like a fish who couldn't breath.

'You're pregnant?' She was nervous, even though she knew he'd be ecstatic, he loved kids. She nodded slowly, a shy smile on her lips.

His whole being seemed to light up and he took her face and smashed his lips against her own. They broke apart when they heard a clatter and the sound of glass breaking.

Virgil Dursley was livid. One thing. His brother couldn't let him have one thing, one measly thing. Didn't he have enough already? Sure he was a freak, but he had a beautiful wife, good looks, and summer homes, apparently. What did Virgil have? A wife that didn't respect him as a man, an unborn baby that might be horribly disfigured (how would he explain his wife's irresponsible approach to parenthood to the neighbours?), and what else? Nothing. Lyle had everything!

So when his perfect brother magically fixed the champagne flute he had just dropped? He lost it! He called them every name under the sun, told them how their child would be just as much as a freak as they were, how they better stay away from their child with their freakishness! Only when he saw their looks of horror at the end of his rant did he feel satisfaction.

' I cannot believe I defended you all these years! From now on you're not my brother, you're poison!' Lyle spat, leading his very angry and shocked wife outside, slamming the door behind him.

As he watched his brother and sister-in-law apparate from No. 4 Privet Drive, for maybe the last time, all he could feel was joy. It was over, it was finally over.

Nearly two years later, when he went to get the paper off the front porch, he found it. His brother had gone and gotten himself blown up, and left him with his bastard!

Harry James Potter.

It seemed even in death his brother managed to ruin his perfect existence.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? It's longer than the last one, please excuse grammar and mistakes!
> 
> -Irelandlover :)


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